I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
