You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
