Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
