masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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