when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
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Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
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You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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