Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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