i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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