I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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