help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
so much tequila, so little girl.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
