I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
