stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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