god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
jump out the window naked night went bad
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
