how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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