You really coming over, don't trick.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
