I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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