All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
