she takes plan B like it's going out of style
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
