if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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