Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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