She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
