Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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