I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
