you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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