I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
