So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
