On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
