I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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