I'd wear matching sweaters with you
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
