I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
where are my eyebrows?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
