My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
