I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
