call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
