my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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