My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
