Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Barsexuality is the new black.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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