I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
