he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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