Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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