Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
