Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
