I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
