Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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