our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
