dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
