I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
