And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
