Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
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Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
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True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize