Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
