let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He passed out mid-signature
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
