I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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