Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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