I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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