Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
