you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
