stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
