dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Alive.
So much puke
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
