I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
