Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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