what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
