if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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