I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
